on the road again..

i'm having a little trouble convincing myself that i'm ready to take on the challenge (again) of becoming a parent through the state.

i can fast forward to the finish line, but its the paperwork, and tangles of red tape, and stop-motion time in between that i'm having some trouble bracing for this go around.

m. seems fine. she is after all, the glass mostly full half of us.

she just smiles and says things like, we'll get there.

gah..

i think it may partially be that we've been back and forth from trying to foster/adopt, and then trying to have a baby of our own..and back again.

when and how will it end?

it occurred to us that some kiddo out there

just started school this week without us.

i hope s[he] has enough glue,

or pencils and some super rad new shoes or whatev..

we start the pre-service training tonight.

right from the get go they are requiring -

residence history forms &

disclosure of family violence calls forms (for foster homes only)

and a stack of forms that i can't even look at right now..

i havn't filled mine out yet, but there's still time.

..gives me a headache.

oh by the way i should be checking the ovulation right about now.
but i'm not going to.
baby batter stored away that will probably go to waste.
i just can't go there at the moment.

what will cps say when we have to disclose
the fact that the biggest ass chunk of our savings
account went to that whole failed attempt?

hi we have no money but it's cool, give us a kid to raise.

i think i'm feeling really negative because
the power steering went out on the car yesterday.
no worries. i'll bounce back when that's over.