Myles.

We're changing his name, and we don't know how to break it to his bio.
#openadoptionproblems

Don't say what I say.

Aiden, Aiden, Aiden.

Progress to share -

When kiddo gets in trouble for anything (climbing onto a chair that he put on top of a table to mess with something that he's been told a billion times to leave alone), he goes into this weird parrot

zombie state as a defense mechanism I guess.

He's rendered incapable of answering questions. For example,

Why did mommy put you in time out?

Why did mommy put me in time out?

Why are you in time out?

Why am I in time out?

Aiden, what did you do that made mommy put you in time out?

What did I do to make mommy put me in time out?


OH MY FUCKING GAHD.

Ok, BUT!

Two days ago he started getting it, and responding with actual answers.

So good. Happy Mama. Happy Mommy. Happier kiddo.

Six Flags. I hate that shit, but kiddo loved it.

We're moving!

Can't wait.

mornings around here.

Just like that.

We woke up today to the sound of kiddo humming and chattering away in his room, from his bed.
Sinking feeling.
He's not going to come look for us.
He's not going to get up and go potty by himself.

We puttered to the kitchen for coffee.

THEN

We hear the step stool being dropped in front of the big potty.
We hear the lid, then the seat raise.
We hear tinkling.
The toilet flushes.

We watch kiddo beeline shuffle from the bathroom, across the hall to his room with his undies up, and his shorts around his ankles.



HE DID IT.

We celebrated way too much.
Whatevs.

NOW he's potty trained.

The not so pretty

Aiden can be difficult.

Yes we're aware that he is three, and that there are limitations to his comprehension, we get that he is still learning, and that parents need patience when teaching a person how to be a person.

He mostly get's it, but there's this one thing.

Aiden will NOT get out of bed in the mornings to go potty. 

He'll get up to grab a toy or two and take them back to bed, but he refuses to go to the bathroom. Even if the potty is sitting right next to his bed.

You'll say, maybe he's scared, after all it's usually dark in there isn't it, there's a long scary hallway between him and the bathroom? No.  The bathroom is across the hall from his bedroom and he happily goes in there even if he can't see the toilet in front of him any other time of the day or night. Theres a push light next to the toilet just for him. He knows how it works, but he won't use it.
You'll say, well you should be happy that he isn't running all over the house while you're trying to sleep, or, at least you can get him to sleep in his own bed throughout the night. Well no. Those are other peoples problems. This is ours.

If it's night or day, whether we're asleep or noisily puttering around, whether the room is dark or bright, he will not get himself out of bed for the purpose of using the potty or even to leave his bed to come find us.

He'll lay in bed until he's whimpering and sometimes even howling that he has to pee.  Sometimes he'd even rather pee himself and lay there in it than get up.

He MUST HAVE A VERBAL CUE.

We have never instructed him to stay in his bed. Never.

Where's the problem there?!

The problem is that I get home at 2 am after at least an hour long commute, after being a cop all night, and I don't want to wake up at 8AM to "I need to pee, I need to pee, I need to pee..." I'm then awake for the rest of the day.

The problem is that he is fully capable of getting out of bed and is fully potty trained, but he REFUSES to pee without first announcing it and then getting the go ahead to do it. Then after, he wants a fucking cookie for pissing in the toilet. EVERY TIME.

We praised him too much in the beginning. For every little thing. Dumb.

We're completely frustrated with him. It's been going on for months. We've tried so many things to lure him out of bed. 

It takes us standing over him and saying, "why are you still in your bed? Get up, go pee", and he does.


OOOOOoooo we're mad.

The Dog Who Stopped The War 1984

The Quest aka Frog Dreaming aka Donkegin (1986) Henry Thomas

Show Offs

Our son. My boy. Getting used to that. Letting my don't-get-so-attached-he's-not-really-yours guard down. Because he's mine. Ours. Finally started my little forever family. It's good.

More to come. Just one more though.

This is now floating around out there among caseworkers because we are completely insane.

We're adopting.

Sometime last week, bio mom shocked us all, and voluntarily relinquished her rights with the understanding that we would be the ones adopting her bio baby. It was a bittersweet scene. Unexpected and unforgettable.

Kiddo has been with us about 7 months.
In that time he's learned his primary and secondary colors (and pink).
He's learned five or six shapes.
He has a new appreciation for books and even "reads" to his bear.
His vocabulary has exploded.
He chose feeding the cats as a chore.
Did I mention he's completely potty trained? (!)
He's completely attached to his moms, and his routine.
He seems to enjoy school, but I can't get him to color in the lines.
Sounds familiar...

I'm not sure the reality of forever has sunk in.
For ever.

Izzi sighting.

Izzi. My heart.
My previous partner, M and I, fostered this kiddo for about a year before he was returned to his mom, then back into foster care, and back with mom from what I've heard.

Much of this blog is about him.

I found this video on his brothers youtube page, and have watched it a billion times.
So good to see his smiling face.

The hard part.

Potty training is taking it's toll. Can't. Take. Much. More.

Our first before and after with A.

Kiddo came to us a little wreck. Much like my previous experience as a foster mom, the kid showed up in shoes that were too small, less than spiffy duds, and a sad sad haircut. Poor little guy.

PRIDE

Foster parenting classes are almost over.
Again.

This is Aiden.

This is how A felt about his first night at home.

Hey blog! I'm back.

It's been close to a decade since my last dip into foster parenthood.
Apparently I didn't learn my lesson, and at almost 40, and with a new partner, I've found myself doing it again.

So since we last spoke, I quit my job as a cop, dropped out of college, explored the dating scene, and moved out of Austin to a small college town on the river.
I've been very un cop-like, and that's all I'll say about that.

At some point along the way, I found a part time job at a shelter for teen moms, where I met my sweetheart, and where we met our foster kiddo and his bio mom.

When we agreed to take kiddo in as a Fictive Kin Foster Placement, the goal with CPS was reunification, but as the case evolves, they've decided that termination of moms parental rights is the best thing for him, and we agree.

Anyway, I should mention, that I am a cop again, I do plan on going back to school, and we will likely move back to the big city as soon as sweetheart graduates from Texas State this summer.

Our next court hearing is this month. Stay tuned.

Nesting

We were SO excited about the possibility of "rescuing" Aiden from foster care.

We nested like mama birds waiting for the chicks to hatch. Seriously.

the end

no more foster parenting.

no longer trying to adopt a kiddo.

m and i are no longer a couple

if anything.

i will be TTC with the help of my good friend brian.

single parenthood.

not so urgent a goal.

and so this is christmas..

what a great holiday it's been..
i love how the beginning of a new year makes us feel the possibility of a fresh start, looking forward and not so much back, onto the trail of roller coaster track that has led us to where we are - wide eyed from the ride..
in baby making news we have the fortunate option of two friend/donors.
The first:
B is the all american tall lean white boy with piercing blue eyes and a deep seeded need for the rush of adrenaline. he has an older sister who he thinks is a lesbian..we met her once and yeah the gaydars did bleep a bit. he plans on moving to Virginia before the baby is born.

The other:
M is a Filipino adoptee with an infectious grin and a chill behind-the-scenes demeanor, he's the father of a 7 year old girl whom he sees regularly. she's incredibly smart and cute as heck..we met her once.
M wants to know the would be baby, but has of course agreed to relinquish his rights & responsibilities to her [he calls her she..].

(the paperwork just needs a couple signatures)

we've been blessed with good friends and we'd be lucky to create-a-kid with either one of them. to up our odds we'll probably alternate and use them both.
so we start the process again with a new cycle in january!

kid shaped christmas no. 4

we've recently shared this blog with family and a few friends, but for the most part this blog has been anonymous for as long as it's been alive. it's been through three name changes and the focus topic has changed more often than that. we've been hopeful parents, we've been foster parents, we've been adoptive parents in training, and we've been TTC. we go through spells when we can't keep up with our readers, and spells when we wonder why we even keep this blog public because it feels like we're talking to ourselves.
we pulled the blog offline for awhile, and thanks for the welcome back..we're sticking around awhile longer.

another year has come and gone
so we start 2009 wearing an Ov Watch, peeing on ovulation predicting sticks and are more determined than ever to start this family. so hope your holidays were as great as ours..and hope next year brings us a baby and whatever it is your hearts desire.

will i?

more organ

the o*rgan released the thieves ep. about a week ago.

got your hands on it yet?

have a taste and then go buy it, it's as amazing as is possible.

don't be angry [mp3]

even in the night [mp3]

fire in the ocean [mp3]

can you tell me one thing [mp3]

let the bells ring [mp3]

oh what a feeling [missing because i didn't purchase it]

i read a recent interview with k*atie sk*etch about the band, about why they broke up and why the new album. it answered more questions than that. it was disillusioning.

loss and other annoyances..

casie e. wood
this sucks kiddo..

oh and we killed the car..

m. and i hooked up with the lesbians [from our PRIDE class] at the Match Party that CPS hosted last week. the event was a little awkward for everyone involved. there were booths set up in a big circle with photos and profiles of little smiling faced children who are free for adoption, and giveaway pens from represented agencies. oh and those exhausted looking caseworkers with wheels spinning inside their heads, but not much more to say than the profiles in their presentations.

lots of familiar faces. the same photos we've seen on the web a hundred times.

we've a stack of those faces in our desk, a list of caseworkers to send our homestudies to, once we're there.

the lesbians [from our class] have two particular babies they're interested in.

we - we've been looking at an eleven year old girl with a history of sexual abuse and lots of placement changes.
her caseworker seems very interested in m. and i. [well of course]

we'd been looking at an 11 year old boy, and had been, up until very recently,only considering boys..i guess because we miss our little boy - but we're really warming to the idea of having a little lady moping around the house..or whatever little ladies do.

it's just something we're considering. too early to know how this is going to end, and then begin..

i went home recently. to see my mum & stepdad.

it didn't go so well. mum is really aging, and sort of falling apart, and it was hard to be there, so i left rather abruptly and two or three days early. another little regret in my life that i'll carry around forever.. i'm in a place where i need to call mum but i don't know what to say.. so i can't wait til this episode is over. annnd other than these episodes that are so very difficult to process, we have a great relationship.

however -

she's not nearly as excited about us adopting, as she was when i was trying to force a baby into my uncooperative belly..it's weird, because did i mention that i'm adopted?

m. and her mum had a suprisingly good time during their visit.

i think it was good for the both of them, and i guess she approves of me, which is a relief, because isn't it always? one less thing...

oh and! this is a new development. m.s baby sister j. is moving here with her nameless friend next month. it's all very sudden and surreal. we'll start apartment hunting for them very soon.