oh and we killed the car..

m. and i hooked up with the lesbians [from our PRIDE class] at the Match Party that CPS hosted last week. the event was a little awkward for everyone involved. there were booths set up in a big circle with photos and profiles of little smiling faced children who are free for adoption, and giveaway pens from represented agencies. oh and those exhausted looking caseworkers with wheels spinning inside their heads, but not much more to say than the profiles in their presentations.

lots of familiar faces. the same photos we've seen on the web a hundred times.

we've a stack of those faces in our desk, a list of caseworkers to send our homestudies to, once we're there.

the lesbians [from our class] have two particular babies they're interested in.

we - we've been looking at an eleven year old girl with a history of sexual abuse and lots of placement changes.
her caseworker seems very interested in m. and i. [well of course]

we'd been looking at an 11 year old boy, and had been, up until very recently,only considering boys..i guess because we miss our little boy - but we're really warming to the idea of having a little lady moping around the house..or whatever little ladies do.

it's just something we're considering. too early to know how this is going to end, and then begin..

i went home recently. to see my mum & stepdad.

it didn't go so well. mum is really aging, and sort of falling apart, and it was hard to be there, so i left rather abruptly and two or three days early. another little regret in my life that i'll carry around forever.. i'm in a place where i need to call mum but i don't know what to say.. so i can't wait til this episode is over. annnd other than these episodes that are so very difficult to process, we have a great relationship.

however -

she's not nearly as excited about us adopting, as she was when i was trying to force a baby into my uncooperative belly..it's weird, because did i mention that i'm adopted?

m. and her mum had a suprisingly good time during their visit.

i think it was good for the both of them, and i guess she approves of me, which is a relief, because isn't it always? one less thing...

oh and! this is a new development. m.s baby sister j. is moving here with her nameless friend next month. it's all very sudden and surreal. we'll start apartment hunting for them very soon.