looks like rain

i think it was friday, or maybe it was thursday..the caseworker from hell said she would pick kiddo up from school on the 24th and take him to his mothers for good..

so that's that.

this isn't the greatest feeling in the world and i don't know how foster parents do this again and again..but go on about doing it for the kids and being a positive influence in their lives..if only for a moment at a time when they need us the most..
but what the fuck about us..the second class citizens in the land of cps and fucked up birth parents and broken little kids. i want them to keep their pats on the back and promises of wings in heaven and just pull their heads out of their asses for one god damned second and do what's right for the kids. with open eyes and intact shoulders and balls and gut instincts and common sense..and a love for kids as deep as the sky...

whatev.

it was our 3 year anniversary today. we bought a new painting and two sets of bongos, and had a casual dinner at a very cool little tucked away italian restaurant i'd never been to.
izzi had a good time of it.
well now its late and that's that.

the 'not at all evil non-cps case manager' is taking us to a childrens shelter on wednesday to meet 2 year old and 9 month old brothers who need us. we don't know if we're ready.
ok we know we're not.
but we have to find out for sure.
they need us afterall.

yes i've always been self destructive and dumb.
and minni just wants to be a mom.

good night. sweet dreams.