billy don't be a hero pt. 2

sweety bought me this new chair yesterday..it turned out to be a sort of celebratory present.

big day for me at work.. i received an award, that i'm being forced to wear around like a big sticker in gradeschool that says "honor student", the thing that makes the other kids not wanna hang out with you anymore..the kind of attention thats so foreign to me that it makes me feel awkward as hell and it shows..but it's ok, just like the rookie feeling, the newness will fade. i hope.

i'm not complaining.
but the thing that concerns me is the possibility that i didn't really earn it, that i was given this award to boost the departments really poor image..to show those naysayers "look guys - look what we did..stuff that earns awards". I'm concerned that it's whats on my colleagues minds..I hate that they might not realize, that I know I'm being used..i'm no hero. I will still be treated like shit..just like them.

foster parenting..i'm discouraged by my irresponsibility, hopefully we'll get back on track very very soon. we're complete, but not really..you know?

it's a beautiful day. gotta go..